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I became a mother on June 14th, when I looked down at that notorious white stick and saw like a beaming light, which
could probably have been seen from space, a plus sign. A feeling of
pure elation, fear and excitement is like nothing I had ever felt. A
complete and total rush. My husband and I wondered if maybe it was
because the pregnancy test had been sitting in our car while we had
been out running errands. Maybe, just maybe it could be a false result.
So we drove to the nearest drugstore and bought 5 more, you know just to
be sure. 6 plus signs and 8 months later, Cole was born.
you have a child, nothing can prepare you for what that embodies until
you meet them for the first time, embrace and become forever bonded in
that sacred space. Until you bring your child home for the first time
and in our case take shifts, just to make sure they’re still breathing.
It's a roller coaster of emotions and in many ways a woman is reborn.
She sheds an innocence to put on the armor of motherhood and with any
growth one experiences, growing pains are sure to follow.
the first year, you're just trying to scramble, survive, wrap your head
around the fact that you have a little human who is totally dependent on
you. You learn to maintain numorous plates spinning at once while
having one arm tied behind your back and all the while, there is this
mourning process within a woman, one in which she may embrace or may
push down. She may just chalk it up to hormones or wonder if there is
something wrong with her though never breathing that thought to anyone.
It's a process that is never highlighted in the parenting books, blogs
or within social media… But if you start the conversation with another
mother on the topic, you will without fail, see yourself in each other.
That freedom you once had turns into something else. It
turns into learning to become a conductor of time and a doctor who now
has a wide understanding of the variety of baby rashes, fevers, etc.
you nurture yourself through the nurturing of another. A woman becomes
more fully who she is in the process I've learned. She sheds the
innocence of youth to learn about the strength, bravery and fight within
her that she may have only had a glimpse of throughout her life.
No truer words were ever written than that of "Scared Vision" by Iron and Wine.
"There's no way to grow that don't hurt"
a mother has been one of the most humbling and loving experiences of my
life. My child is my heart. He's a reflection of the love I feel for my
husband and I find the greatest joy in raising him, nurturing him and
watching as he daily blossoms in front of eyes.
learned thus far in my journey of motherhood, is to embrace all the
cracks as well as the smooth edges. I find that by honoring that, I can
be a better wife, mother, daughter, etc. By honoring the growth pains
of motherhood, I am more available to myself and my family because I'm
more authentically walking through this world.
So on this
Mother's Day weekend, may I say what an honor it is to share in the
heart space of motherhood with so many wonderful women. In whatever
stage of motherhood you may find yourself in, may you know that you are
supported as we are all in this wild and beautiful ride together.